An Open Letter To P

Dear P,
Seeing you at the farewell brought a wave of emotions crashing over me – regret, shame, and a deep sense of remorse. I owe you a sincere apology, one that goes beyond just words.
Back then, before the pandemic, I was so lost. I was terrified of being different, of not fitting in. And in my fear and insecurity, I ended up joining the chorus of those who made your life hell. I targeted you for your femininity, for the very qualities I was struggling to accept within myself.
Seeing you now, I realize how strong you truly are. You navigated those years, which are supposed to be the best years of a child’s life, with a quiet dignity I could only dream of. You were brave enough to be yourself, even when it felt like the whole world was trying to force you into a box.And I, in my own cowardice, tried to shove you further into it. I’m disgusted with myself. I hate that I contributed to your pain. I hate that I let my own fear dictate my actions. And I hate that I missed out on the chance to know the real you, the kind, resilient person you are.
The “sweetest personality” award they gave you at the after-party was a punch to the gut. It was cruel, insensitive, and a painful reminder of how far we still have to go. You deserved to celebrate and have fun, not be subjected to that kind of mockery. Seeing the pride flag in your bio a while back, even for a short time, filled me with a mix of admiration and shame. Admiration for your courage, and shame for my own lack of it. It took me years to embrace my own truth, years filled with unnecessary pain and self-denial.
I don’t expect your forgiveness, P. I know I don’t deserve it. But I hope someday I’ll be able to tell you how truly sorry I am. I hope that someday, maybe, we can even be friends.
With sincere remorse,
ts