An Open Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Younger Me,

I wish I could hold you right now. Not to stop your tears, but to let you know that it’s okay to cry. I see you. The quiet kid sitting in a corner, tired of being hated without a reason, bullied for just existing, silently asking the world why it hurts so much to be you.

I see you in the school van, trying to hide your tears behind the window. I see you at home, waiting for someone to take your side. Someone to say, “You don’t deserve this.” But instead, you were told to stay silent, to adjust, to survive. Even your parents were scared. Scared to speak up for you. Scared of what would happen if they did.

But you. You stayed. You didn’t run away from life even when it felt unbearable. Even when you didn’t know what anxiety meant, your body was screaming through those attacks, and still, you got up, wiped your face, and kept moving. That version of you, unsure and afraid, is the reason I’m here today. Strong. Healing. Holding space not just for myself, but for others too.

You were treated like a cheap pen. Used when needed, then forgotten. But what they didn’t see was the ink you were quietly filling this world with. The poetry in your silence. The strength in your softness. The fire in your heart.

You kept going. You dared to dream when no one gave you hope. You believed not in the world, but in yourself. You showed up for your own damn life. And that’s why, today, I get to hear things like this:

“What I read in your article tonight touched a nerve I was ignoring all my life. I rekindled with my poetry, the confessions of a survivor. You found a truth and expressed it better than I ever could. I can already see you as an invincible Ayush.”

Yes, invincible.

You didn’t just survive. You gave birth to this version of me who is living, healing, and helping others heal too. You may not have known it back then, but you were building something unbreakable. And I am so, so proud of you.

You were always meant to be more than the pain you were given. You were always meant to be love. To be light. To be art. And most importantly, to be free.

Thank you for not giving up on us.

With all my love,
Yours Queerly
Ayush 🧡